Still learning- and this time it’s about SPACE
I've been thinking about space.
No, not the planets and stars and rocketships kind of space - the kind of space that is still and quiet and natural and fresh and light. Space to breathe. Space to think. Space to BE instead of DO.
I'm 49 now, and I used to kick myself for just how FREAKING OFTEN I have to relearn things. I think I'm starting to be convinced now that that's just the way of life. Swings and roundabouts. Seasons for everything. Highs and lows. And now this - the relearning that we need to do again and again and again, because some things just don't stick.
Space is one of those things for me.
The importance of space
I've been reminded yet again recently of how I have a deep, deep need for space. I'm realising - not for the first time but possibly with the most clarity - that it's almost as critical a need for me as sleep and food. I start to get smaller when I don't have space. I am diminished. Less than.
My Carver Boy and I were at a wedding a wee while ago. He was one of the groomsmen. Because his responsibilities extended across a few days, we got an Airbnb so we could have some space and time together. (See? There it is again! Space!). I booked something close to the venue and at the best price for what we wanted.
I didn't know that I had booked something so private that I could sit on the deck and look out over native trees and paddocks of tasty-looking Herefords.
No other humans. No roads and traffic, no neighbours' fences and windows. No fucking motorbikes booming obnoxiously-open-throttled down my street with all their small dick energy.
I sat on that deck with coffee in hand listening to the dawn chorus of tūī and kererū and kākā and I said to my love,
"I had no idea how much I needed this."
Making hard choices
But what gave me "this" was a hard choice I made in the weeks before. That really difficult choice was to pause my full-time reo studies for this year. I WANT nothing more than being immersed in te reo all day every single day. But my NEED for space is greater right now. Because if I don't have space, I'm not ok.
When I went to school I felt like I was stealing time from other things: work, kids, other people I love, me. When I worked I was stealing time from school. When I rested I was stealing time from work. Ugghh.
I looked ahead at week after week in my calendar and realised there was NO SPACE.
So I reminded myself that this 2nd year of full-time reo immersion is NOT a one-time opportunity. I can do it next year. Or I can continue studying but in different ways. Being ALL IN (which I'm so, so good at) was not my only choice.
I had to acknowledge that it felt more important than everything else on my plate. My heart wanted it SO BAD. But I would be sacrificing my overall wellbeing and quality of life if I kept going right now.
So I hit pause.
Finding pockets of space
And now I scroll through my calendar and see pockets of SPACE. Space that I can give, sometimes to the business development I want to do, and sometimes to other people, and especially, on a really regular basis, TO MYSELF.
I hope you give yourself some space, too.
I've got a few posts about this Space thing on my Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. I'd love to hear your thoughts on them:
Have you managed to find space lately?
If so, howwww????
If not, I FEEL YOU! Is there a hard choice that you have to make?
I'd love if you could jump on and share your experience- we're all learning here!!
If you're in a position to leave some advice or a story of your own experience (go you!!) Maybe those of us who are still figuring it out could pick up some tricks - and if nothing else we can all find solace in our shared struggle with the crazy balancing act that is SPACE, LIFE, and all the things.
'Til next time!
